Discord and Dishonor
by Raeror
Summary: The life and times of the discord r/fanfiction group.
1. Chapter 1

The Discordia Asylum. _Home sweet horror._ DieDoktor thought to himself as his hearse rolled up the street of Syracuse, New York. Once known as the Quizilla Penitentiary, DieDoktor had bought the penitentiary and gave the place an overhaul. He used it as the crux of his new enterprise: creating, supplying and distributing fanfiction all around the world. He had sent invites to the most popular fanfiction writers from various fandoms from all around the planet in an effort to unite them and create a congregation of imagination, creativity, and ingenuity. The world would have a second Renaissance under these writers.

They all declined.

So doktor went to the 2nd most popular writers.

They all declined.

As did the 3rd, 4th, 5th, 6th, and the 7th, oh god how vehemently did the 7th most popular writers reject him in unison. 7 was supposed to be a lucky number too.

Eventually, Doktor wandered around the worlds of fanfiction, desperately seeking anyone who would join him in his cause. And, one at a time, curious writers seeking to make it big would come to him. Unfortunately, each and every single one of them was a bona fide lunatic. Either from straight out of the gate, or the other inmates of his Asylum would corrupt them soon enough. The only things that kept him going was to see the looks on the faces of both readers and writers when they had found that spark, that moment of glorious excitement that literature could bring. Someday, his company Discord would grow to gargantuan heights, and he will be celebrated as the man who created it all. But for now, at least he had his hearse.

Doktor looked at the picture on his dashboard. As nice as the hearse was, he real dream was to someday drive a T-72 tank with its 46 MM canon and 7.62 MM machine gun. No one would ever cut in front of him in traffic ever again. _Someday._ He thought to himself.

Doktor pulled up into the driveway. His hearse was loaded in groceries, and he sure as hell wasn't going to unload them.

"GROCERIES!" He yelled into the air. "COME ON OUT AND GET THEM! IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE FOOD LIONS AND EAT IT ALL, AT LEAST UNPACK IT!"

Someone came outside, looking groggy and annoyed. "Dok, what the hell are you screaming about?" Ashes came outside in bunny slippers, pajama pants, and a shirt that said 'Stony is the best because it's rock hard.'

"Help me get groceries."

Ashes when into the side of the car, and came out with a bag of sour cream and onion chips. "Helped you unpack."

"Why the hell did I make you a moderator again?"

"Because if you fire me I'll rip out your spine and use it for my bookshelf. That's why." She said, walking right past him.

"Just so you know, I pay Deejay and Taffer more!" He called out as she walked back inside. Doktor grumbled, no one was coming outside. Only one thing left to do.

Cupping his hands over his mouth, Dok shouted out at the top of his lungs. "I HAVE ALCHOHOL!"

"DID SOMEONE SAY ALCOHOL?"

Dok smiled. He could always rely on alcoholism. "3...2..1..."

"YAHOOOOOO!"

He looked up and saw a man jump out of the window. "WHIIIIIIIIIISKEEEEEH!"

"Hi silver!" Dok called out at Silver crash landed on the top of his hearse. "I got your favorite! All you have to do is unpack all the groceries! You can stop when you find it!"

"SWEET! THANKS DOK!" Silver immediately started grabbing bags and rushing off into the house with them.

Doktor smiled. Silver was always so reliable when it came to unpacking. As long as he was looking for the drinks, he would come back again and again and again...

"I know you keep the alcohol under the driver's seat Dok."

Dok turned around in shock. "Cy-Fox? How did you know?" He turned a saw a man with unkempt hair on his face and a Tails shirt on.

"Yeah, it's me. Every now and again you forget to put it in the driver's seat under your feet and you run around the car and get it before you announce yourself home. Yeah, I see when you do that."

He reached for the groceries in the back anyway. "I'll humor you and play along though. Let's just get these groceries in. By the way, where the hell is Cheeky Bastard? Doesn't he help you out with this?"

Dok looked around. "Yeah, where is Rae anyway?"

"I'M COMING!" He heard a voice yell out. "I JUST HAVE ALOT OF EXTRA WEIGHT ON ME. ALOT. ITS REALLY HEAVY!"

"IT'S* YOU CLOD!"

Doktor and Cy-Fox stood and watched as Raeror came outside with Pug riding on his shoulders.

"Should I even ask?" Dok said.

"She beat me in arm wrestling." Raeror admitted, holding his head in shame.

Cy-Fox looked at the petite blond girl wearing a pug shirt, then at the giant man who was twice her size. "How... just, how?"

"She kicked me in my shins under the table. I didn't even know she could reach that far." Rae said.

"He could either watch an episode of Degrassi with me, or he could give a piggyback ride all day." Pug smiled. "He made his choice."

"Well, in this case its a puggyback ride, and I know I made the right choice."

"It's*."

"If you can carry Pug, you can carry a bag. Take this." Doktor handed the Rae bag.

"Why not Pug too?" Cy-Fox said. "She does have her hands free."

"Fair point." Dok also handed Pug a bag, which covered over Rae's eyes.

"UM! WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE!" He said.

"Oh relax! I'll tell you where to go." Pug replied. "Left, straight... straight... straight... right... left."

Raeror turned and smacked face first into the concrete wall. "OW, GODDAMNIT THAT HURT!"

"That was for the fat joke, you pleb."

Raeror turned around and backed into the wall, crushing Pug between a rock and a hard-headed place.

"OOF! OUCH THAT HURT! I AM GOING TO SMACK YOU WITH THIS BAG."

"You break it, you buy it!" Dok shouted as Silver ran by him again. "WHERE ARE YOU BOURBON?" Silver picked a bag at random and started to look through it. "DAMN, IT'S NOT IN HERE EITHER!"

"Well since you have your hands on it, take it inside."

"I NEED MY SCOTCH TAPE TO HOLD ME TOGETHER!" Silver shouted in agony as he dashed back in.

One by one, the groceries got unpack from the hearse and taken into the kitchen where they would be sorted. Amaranthium and her wolf stood guard, making sure no one hid anything under their clothes on the way back to their rooms.

GROCERY RETRIVAL ACTIVATE- INITIATING . A robot came crawling outside, with thin arms a giant head.

"Oh, I see it's Flake's Myr coming out. Myr: call up Flake, now."

BEEP BOOP BEEP BOOP

"...Hello?"

"Flakes it's me, dinner is gonna be ready in an hour or two, where are you?"

"We're making one more stop in Toronto, and then I'll be on my back. Give me a few hours."

"Fine, see you when you get here."

Doktor turned back to the ant. "Meanwhile, you can help put this away."

Getting the last of the bags, Doktor locked the door as a gust of wind started to blow at the edge of the driveway.

"Oh, NOW he wants to show up." Dok muttered as the gust of wind became a swirling tornado on the lawn. When the tornado was gone, a man had appeared, dressed in a red tie with a black jacket and black gloves.

"'Ello chaps." The man said.

"You're late 42." Dok said.

"The groceries are unpacked, but the food's not being eaten. I'd say that I'm right on time." He said as he walked into the house.

"42? Why are you here? Don't you have a house in England? Along with your _own_ food?" Taffer asked.

"Yes I do." He responded. "Bills are great there since I'm here a good amount of the time. And since I can eat here, I don't have to buy food. So thanks for that."

"You are such a cheapskate! You already don't pay gas, now you want free food and free room and board."

"Hey, I'm Doktor's Discord European ambassador, I work for this. Second of all, I do drive a car, and my Mini Cooper is amazing."

"Well you're going to have to pay for my food, that steak is costing you 6 dollars."

"Sure." 42 opened his wallet. "Do you want that in pounds, euros, or sterling? I definitely want you to get the best deal, so I'll let your pick."

"Oh fuck you, I'm burning your steak." Taffer walked away, muttering under her breath.

"Aren't pounds and sterling the same thing? Doktor asked.

42 put his finger to his mouth. "Shhhhh. Gotta keep them guessing."

They walked by Amara putting up a picture of a waterfall. "Woah, that's beautiful. Where is that from?" 42 asked.

"Since Amara can no longer go to Yellowstone, she's putting up pictures of the place everywhere in the asylum.

"So just to be clear: Flake's into blue water, Amara's into Yellowstone, and Taffer's into Redfield?"

"And Squid wants a green card to get away from his parents."

"Got it. Let's eat."


	2. Chapter 2

Dee Hircus was a very busy woman. She didn't become the most successful goat farmer in the American Great Plains by being a slouch, you know.

But success demanded effort. And every morning she felt the effects of her effort. The alarm clock at her bedside mocked her weary body. _It's_ _6:00, you withered corpse._ It beeped. _6:00. Get up._

Dee just stared at the infernal machine. She used to be able to shut it off instantly. On some days she would straight up just deck the fucker. But over the years, her strength had waned. Now all she could do was curl up in the bed and wait for her body to gather the energy needed to throw out only a measly little slap, all the while Dee had actually gone through 8 alarm clocks. Number 9 however, was a cheeky cunt. It had come in at just the right time. And it damn knew it too. It just stood there, catcalling a force of deestruction that had been tamed by time.

 _6:04._ The alarm clock buzzed out. _I can do this all day. Just look at you, you haven't even moved. I am the master. I decide when you rise. So come on you filthy cretin, your master is wait-_

SMOCK! The alarm clock had been silenced, sent to the depths of irrelevancy for one more day.

Dee looked down at her savior. A small, gray-white ferret looked back up at her and smiled, saying good morning in Dookanese.

"Shit. That thing is annoying, isn't it?" A voice whispered in her ear.

"I agree." Dee clutched her pillow tighter. "Ferrets need to be genocided. Immediately."

"I'll keep that in mind the next time the clock is kicking you ass." The voice responded. "So, tomorrow."

The ferret jumped up and scampered into the arms Ferret, Dee's savior of the day. "Morning gorgeous." She gave Dee a kiss on the cheek."

"I thought we agreed that the ferrets would stay on your side of the bed." Dee said. "Every time I smell even a little like goat cheese they like to bite my ass off."

"Oh Dee, you can't blame my ferrets for being a little curious." Ferret leaned in. "There's nothing more I love than a bite of you." Softly as she could, Ferret bit down on Dee's neck.

Dee gave a little cry. Oh boy. If you gave Ferret an inch, you could expect the mile not far behind.

Ferret grabbed Dee's waist, fingers dancing along the tank top. "Why haven't you killed this one like you killed 8?" Ferret asked. "8 was my favorite. It had stripes and those itty bitty polka dots that we so cute, and it was in various shades of blue, to appease everybody! It was perfect."

"7 was the best one," Dee responded. "It was my limited edition Criminal Minds clock. And what happened to it? You had your ferrets jump off of the walls and one of them crushed my clock."

"Can we both agree that 9 is the worst one? Come one, it's got paisley on it."

"I'll agree with that. I'd like nothing more than to have that to punch that thing's brains in Foyet-style."

"Then why do we still have 9?" Ferret asked.

"9 is saying because you need to suffer for 7's murder," Dee responded. "If the clocks were animals, 7 would have swallowed 9 whole."

"So it's confirmed that 7 8 9." Ferret giggled.

Dee groaned. "Why? Why would you do that?"

"You set it up for me. You have no one to blame but yourself."

"Come on Ferret. I'm tired. And I have to go to work," Dee pleaded.

"If you're tired, then stay," Ferret said.

"But I really need to get up." Dee tried to break free.

"Stay." Ferret pinned her back down to the bed.

Dee turned around to face her captive. "Ferret..."

Ferret grabbed the back of Dee's neck and pulled her in, embracing her love with a passionate kiss. Dee worked herself too hard, but she would never admit it. Sometimes Ferret needed to be a bit forceful with Dee. Not that Ferret minded. She loved a good chase, but a chase was all about the reward. Eventually, Ferret pulled away, the both of them panting. Ferret pinned Dee to the bed and got on top of her, looking into Dee's beautiful eyes. Ferret could see the lust, the excitement, but also the conflict. Dee would need a little more convincing. With a quick glance Ferret looked at the clock. 6:10.

"You still have time." Ferret said, pulling up Dee's tank top. "I'm sure Ashes and Taff can hold down the fort until you arrive."

"I still don't want to be late," Dee said. "A good boss sets an example for her workers."

"It's fine, you have time." Ferret bent over and kissed Dee's naval, before dragging her tongue across her lover's body. "10 minutes." She crawled forward and gave Dee another kiss on the lips.

 _"10 minutes,"_ Dee responded back.


	3. Short Story 1

"Well DS?" Twisted said smugly. "Aren't you going to draw?"

DS looked at his hand, a bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face. One card. One card was separating him from victory. A red 2. He had been battling the world champion of Uno, Twisted, for hours now. Back and forth. Back and forth. The card on the top of the pile was a blue 8.

DS growled. "I don't know why you're being so arrogant." His hand wavered over the draw pile. "All I need is an 8 to change the color and you're finished!"

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Twisted laughed. "You really don't see it? Even now? You fool!" He pointed to the pile. "There are no more 8s! Look for yourself."

DS gasped. There was an 8 here. An 8 there. One by one, he saw the shapes of 8s in the messy pile. "You...you set me up." His hand started to tremble.

"Indeed I did," Twisted said. "You played your last 8 5 minutes ago! And now, it's over DS! Once you put down a blue card, I'll win!"

"There...there has to be something I can do!"

"There's nothing you can do but admit defeat DS!" Twisted pointed at him. "I am the Uno world champion, and I will always be the best. Now, draw your last pathetic card so I can end this DS."

DS looked at the card. One card was separating him from defeat. "No matter what, I believe in the heart of the cards."

He closed his eyes. "I'll put everything I have into this one card. I DRAW!"

A blinding light emerged as DS raised the card high in the air.

"What's going on?" Twisted raised his arms to block the light away.

"I activate the Draw 4!" DS said, slamming the card down into the pile.

"NANI?!" Twisted couldn't believe it. "IMPOSSIBLE! HOW DID YOU DRAW THAT CARD?!"

"I trusted the heart of the cards! They will never fail me!" DS said. "Now, Draw 4. OBLITERATE!"

A light shot out from the card, blasting Twisted into the air. 4 cards fell with him as he tumbled to the ground.

"UNO!" DS said. "And now, for my last card! I'll make the color red, and put down my 2!" He slammed his red 2 on the table. "It's over Twisted. You've lost!"

"I-I-Impossible..." Twisted said.

"Oh, it's possible alright," DS said. "When it comes to Uno, I'm number 1!"


	4. Short Story 2

Dee covered the cookies in her cake container. Those were her cookies, damnit.

"I'M GONNA GO DO SOME READING!" She shouted. "AND THESE COOKIES BETTER BE HERE WHEN I GET BACK!"

She cut off the lights in the kitchen and went to her room.

Quiet.

Darkness.

Perfect for a being of stealth such as the danger noodle, the meat slinky, the dook knight, the ferret.

"Dook."

Ferret slinked through the kitchen. She would get Dee's cookies, and nothing would stop her.

Sliding up to the cake container, Ferret licked her lips in anticipation of eating Dee's cookies. _I bet they taste like chocolate._ She thought as she lifted the container.

"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEID! REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEID!" Alarms started blaring.

"I KNEW IT!" Dee said as she slammed open the door. "WE HAVE A FERRET THIEF AFTER MY COOKIES!"

"Oh no." Ferret grabbed the plate and jumped out the window.

"RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!" Dee shouted.

Rin came out of the garage, holding her gun. She saw Ferret running for the trees.

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Rin started firing her porg gun.

"OWAAAAAA!" Porgs rocketed through the air at high speeds. "OWAAAAAA!" "OWAAAAAA!" "OWAAAAAA!"

Ferret stumbled as she tried to outrun all of the porgs.

"YOU'RE GONNA HANG, FERRET!" She heard Dee shout behind her. "YOU'RE GONNA HANG FROM THE TALLEST TREE!"

The porgs were gaining on her. If she could just reach the cliff. '

Ferret went into maximum dookerdrive. Running as fast as her furry legs would take her.

She heard the sound of a motor behind her. Dee and Rin were in an ATV and still firing porgs at her.

"DOOOOOOOOOK!" Ferret shouted into the forrest.

Eventually, she reached the cliff, stopping at the edge.

"IT'S OVER FERRET!" Dee shouted, pointing her porg gun at her. "NOW HAND OVER MY COOKIES!"

Ferret closed her eyes, and jumped off of the cliff.

Rin jumped out and looked over the edge. "Holy-"

" _ **DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!"**_ A giant flying ferret flew past, with Ferret on its back, eating Dee's cookies.

"CURSE YOU FERRET!" Dee shouted.


	5. Short Story 3

Ferret kicked open the door. "IT'S FERRET DAY!"

"Ferret day, what's that?" Platon put down his glass of juice.

"It's the day we celebrate our love of ferrets." Michelle said. "Ferret always brings us ferrets to play with.

"ITS FERRET DAY ALREADY?!" Dragon rand downstairs. "CAN I HAVE MY FERRET FIRST!?"

"You sure can!" Ferret said, reaching into her bag. "Wait, what's the secret password?" Ferret asked.

"Oh the password. DOOK DOOK!" Dragon there.

"DOOK DOOK!" Ferret nodded and reached into her bag of ferrets. "This is Esmeralda." She picked up a brown-orange ferret. "She loves dancing to salsa music."

"Sweet!" Dragon took Esmeralda up to her room and starting blaring salsa music. "GO EZZY! GO EZZY!" She shouted a minute later.

"Mich, here is your ferret. Antiqua!" She held up a red ferret. "This one give you kisses every time you see her name!"

Antiqua gave Ferret as kiss on the cheek. "Dook dook."

"I love her already." Michelle took her into he kitchen

"Uh, can I get a Ferret?" Platon asked.

"Sure!" Ferret reached into her bag, and pulled out a white ferret with a muzzle on its mouth, and clipped claws. "This is Lenny. The face-eating ferret."

"W-what?" Platon asked.

"He eats the faces of his victims. Only the faces. Oh, and he also plays golf. But he mostly eats faces. Don't let him get that muzzle off, or he'll eat your face. He'll start with the eyes and branch out." She dropped Lenny into Platon's hands.

"Happy Ferret Day, everyone!"


	6. Chapter 6

The darkness of night surrounds you. You are driving down the highway, onwards to your new home. You wonder if you've made the right decision with your life to come here. Eventually, you see the sign. Discordia - Turn here.

You exit off and start looking around town. It seems like a rather small place. A couple of store names you recognize, but nothing really big. Traffic is rather slim. Not that you'd complain. There aren't any immediate warning signs.

"Well, time to find my house." You look down on the paper next to you. 9198 Xing Avenue.

Driving around the neighborhoods, eventually, you come across the address.

"Here it is. Home sweet home." It's a modest, one-story house. Nothing special on the outside, but you got it on the cheap.

Parking in your driveway, you step out and walk inside from the front door. The place is actually bigger on the inside. As you look around to admire the interior, you're already mapping out where all the furniture is going to go. As you set up the inflatable air mattress for the night, you hear a noise outside.

WOOP! WOOP!

That's the sound of the police! And they seem to be right outside.

As you rush outside to explain the situation, someone tackles you from behind, sending you crashing face-first into the earth.

"FREEZE DIRTBAG!" A voice barks at you while you're lying face down.

"Wait, hold on a second!" You plead. "I-"

"YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT!" Your head is shoved into the ground. You try to wriggle your arms free, but they have your arms pinned down on your back. They sit down on your hand You feel a hand move around your throat, clenching down. You're losing oxygen, fast. Desperately, you make one last desperate thrashing around but they aren't letting up a bit. You try to lift your legs and go for a kick. You are not that flexible. All that effort just make you worn out even faster. Everything goes blurry...

Your assailant relents as you reach the point of unconsciousness. You immediately turn over, looking at the sky, gasping for air. There is some noise in the air but at this point its just warbles.

"Rinnie, I think they've had enough." The voices finally clear up.

"Are you sure, Jae? I mean I can whoop their ass again."

"Yes, but first, can we at least ask who they are and what they are doing here?"

"I could have just taken his wallet."

"I know Rin. I know."

The reasonable officer looks down on you. "Hello there, may I ask what's your business here stranger?"

"I...live...here..." You mumble.

"No way. No one lives here." The crazy officer, Rin, bounces over to your car, wearing very small police shorts. "What in here?" She asks. Foregoing the door handle, the officer of the law casually smashes the glass with her elbow and unlocks the already unlocked door from the inside. "Hmm..." She starts going through the boxes in your car, tossing everything out on the lawn when you're done. You really want to stop her, but at the same time, you really like being able to breathe.

The reasonable cop, Jae, goes into the glove compartment. "Wait, stop Rin. Here are all the papers. They're telling the truth." She put them all back. "Sorry to bother you uh... what was your name again?"

"My name is Osi Gudd." You answer.

"Well Osi, welcome to the neighborhood." Jae helps you back to your feet. Your legs feel like jelly. "Exe, the guy across the street from you, called about an unusual car casing the area around him. Sorry Rin attacked you. She jumped out of the window when I wasn't looking. We'll get out of your hair now."

"What am I supposed to do about my car?" You ask.

Jae pulled out a sheet from her pocket. Peeling off a sticker, she slapped it on the dashboard. "There's an auto shop not far from here. Show them this sticker."

As the police drive off You wonder just what kind of hell you've gotten yourself into.


	7. How C&P Died

Hermit woke up, nuzzled in bed like one of those perfect pigs in the blanket that AJ always made. A hot dog wrapped in a croissant. _Mmmm. Food._ She thought. Mouth beginning to water. _Time to put a yummy in this tummy._ She thought. Putting on her PJs, she stumbled down her wing of the asylum, past the mod kink dungeon, heading downstairs.

"WEEEEW!" She heard in the controversy and politics channel.

 _Looks like someone's up. Better go say hi._ She thought

She opened the door to see Nintega De Stellar standing above a massive sea of flame.

"Morning, Hermie!" Nintega waved. There was a smoke mask covering his face. "Just making some bacon!"

He was holding a pan over the inferno. Bacon sizzled liked the screams of literal demons.

"Ooh, mind if I have some?"

"Sure! I got plates full!" He pointed down. Right at his side was 2 plates of bacon stacked a foot high each. "I have been cooking all morning!"

"Thanks!"

Hermit was about to take a few pieces when she remembered that she needed to WASH HER FUCKING HANDS. _Oops._ She thought. _I was almost careless and unsanitary._ After being a good little sugar plum fairy and cleaning her hands, Hermit took some of Nintega's bacon.

As she opened up the fridge, she remembered something. _"As a mod, it is your job as to put out any flame wars that might happen. Anywhere and everywhere in this asylum."_

Controversy-and-politics was on fire. Literal fire.

"Well, shit."

Walking to the mod office, she looked at all the mod commands. "Let's see here... ferret button, fuck button, ferret fuck button... here we go! Foam button!" She pressed the foam button and sent it to controversy and politics.

Walking back to the kitchen she heard someone scream. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGH!"

Nintega came in crying. "MY BACON. IT ALMOST GOT FOAMED ON!"

 _No flames in contro._ Hermit thought.

* * *

Turbo sat on the couch, drinking a cup of coffee and reading the newspaper.

The Discord Spotify radio was playing some soft jazz. Owl's vanilla air wicks gave the asylum a pleasant smell.

"Yo Turbo!" Sling was holding a pack of cards. "Mol, Sho and I are gonna play some spades. You in?"

"Nah, I'm good." He waved it off.

"Aight." Sling walked off. "He said he's good boys."

Turbo went back to his newspaper. _You know, it's a nice day, I think I'll go for a ri-_

"HUAT!"

Turbo blinked, looking up from his paper. He looked up from the couch.

Nothing but the spotify radio.

 _Ehh, maybe one of them sneezed._ He thought, going back to his newspaper.

"HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!"

"Turbo, did you happen to hear that awful sound as well?" Twisted said, entering the living room. "I was in the kitchen making a sandwich and I heard that awful screeching. I let it slide the first time, but it's becoming irritating very quickly."

"I agree." Turbo placed his newspaper down. "Let's go see what those three are-"

"Yo, what the hell y'all got blasting on the TV?" Shoryu, Mol, and Sling came to the room.

"That's not you guys?" Turbo said.

"HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "OHMRAAAAAAAUUUUUGHT!"

"Apparently not." Mol said. "It sounds like its coming from one of the channels.

"I think I heard it from contro." Sho said.

"CP?" Turbo paused. "Wait a sec. I think I know what it is. Sea lions."

"Sea Lions?" Sling asked.

"Yeah. These creatures are the trolls of the animal kingdom. The will invade your space and disingenuously ask ridiculous questions to waste your time and piss you off.

AJ Get the banhammers. Sea Lion emergency."

"HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!"

"Is there no way to make these sea lions fuck off?" Mol said.

"Way ahead of you." Twisted approached the door to the channel, 6-shooter in hand. "I'll handle this."

Turbo gulped. "Uh Twisted, I don't think that's a good idea."

"HEY! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" The group saw Twisted shout.

"HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!""HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!"

The roar was deafening with the door open.

"I MEAN IT!" Twisted fired off a shot. The group jumped back.

The sea lions went silent in an instant.

"Guys, what's going on?" AJ walked into the living room, holding several banhammers. She gave one to Turbo.

"Nothing." Twisted walked back. "Some sea lions were just making a ru-"

" _ **EX**_ _ **CUSE ME!"**_ A sea lion jumped Twisted from behind. The group gasped as Twisted was smothered in an instant. **_"WHAT IS THE MEANING BEHIND THIS HOSTILITY?!._**

"TWISTED!" Sho picked up a chair and rushed the sea lion. He smacked the sea lion in the face with the chair.

"WAIT!" Turbo said.

 **" _WE ARE JUST EXERCISING OUR RIGHTS!"_** Another sea lion emerged, tackling Sho.

The chair splintered to pieces. Sho felt his chest collapse in as the sea lion pinned him to the floor. "GY-HACK!" Taking a splintered piece, Sho jabbed the seal in the eye. Clutching his chest, Sho tried to retreat, but another seal flopped down on him. Sho went headfirst into the floor.

"If we let any more in, they'll flood the place," AJ said. "MOVE!"

"Mol." Turbo tossed Mol his mod keys. "Go to the mod room and mute the server. We'll hold them off."

"Got it." Mol ran to the back.

"Sling," Turbo threw him a banhammer. "Whatever you do, don't stop swinging. Let's go."

Sling nodded. "Let's go."

The two charged rushed into the fray.

"BEGONE!" AJ shouted, bashing the sea lions and turning them into poofs of air.

 **" _WE ARE SIMPLY ASKING QUE-"_** _POOF!_

 ** _"YOU ARE ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE YOU KNOW WE ARE RI- **"** _**_POOF!_

 **"HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!""HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!" "HUAT!**

The sea lions up close were maddening. The earsplitting screams only enraged AJ more. "BAN! BAN! BAN! BAN! BANBANBANBANBANBAN **BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!"** _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_

 _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_

"We gotta get Sho and Twisted!" _POOF!_ _POOF!_ Sling shouted. "They'll suffocate!" _POOF!_ _POOF!_

 _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ _POOF!_ "Make a push for the last places you saw them!" Turbo said. "Don't let them knock you off your feet!" _POOF!_ _POOF!_

Between the mass of sea lion fat, Sling saw an arm on the ground. With extra vigor, Sling pushed forward with quick ban thrusts. Reaching Sho's body, Sling put his fingers against Sho's throat. Sho was breathing, but barely.

Sling grabbed Sho's shoulders and pulled him away.

 ** _"YOU ARE ABUSING YOUR POWERS BY NOT ALLOWING ME INPUT! **"**_** A sea lion barreled through, smacking Sling to the floor. The banhammer fell with a heavy thud.

"Shit, Sling's in trouble!" Turbo said. "I know I'm near Twisted. If I double back now, he might die!" He looked at AJ. She was losing steam, coming to a standstill. The sea lions kept pouring in. _Mol, where are you?_

BANG! A sea lion dropped to the floor in an instant.

Turbo looked down. Twisted was crawling back, hack and gasping for air. The gun rattled in his hand as he empties the chamber. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

"Told ya mate." Turbo knelt down and gave Twisted his banhammer. "Ya didn't bring enough bullets."

"Noted," Twisted said with a growl. "Shit. That hurt."

"Hurt them back. I'm getting Sling and Shoryu." Turbo said.

AJ jumped back, panting. "These fuckers don't quit!"

"Hey AJ, can I get a hand?" Turbo said.

"Sure. I got this."

With the roar of a glamazon, AJ jumped up and smashed her banhammer down with an overhead smash attack.

After poofing more sea lions, AJ saw the banhammer come into view. She slid it over to Turbo.

"Thanks!" Turbo smacked another sea lion.

SHING! SHING! SHING! SHING!

A force field appeared at the channel, shutting out th rest of the sea lions. And it was soundproof, so as much as the sea lions wanted to shout, the group wasn't hearing any of it.

"Yeah, that's right!" AJ said, finishing off the last of the sea lions. "Get outta here!"

"Thank God for Mol," Turbo said. "That could have gotten worse."

"Took him long enough," Sling muttered. Him and Shoryu started to stir.

"So, I guess that's the end to controversy and politics, huh?"

* * *

Let's just agree to disagree that this is how it happened.


	8. OwlWoman And Kidbot

In Cronic City, it was a peaceful morning. Olivia Strig was pouring a cup of coffee for herself as she poured a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch for her child Robbie.

"See you later sweetheart! I'm off to work!" Olivia's husband Tien gave her a kiss on the cheek and ruffled his son's hair before walking out the door.

"Bye daddy!" Robbie waved as Tien walked to the car.

"And as for you, you little scamp, we need to get you in clothes so you can go to school! Come on, eat your food so you can go upstairs and get changed."

After getting Robbie in some winter clothes, the pair got into their drove off to the preschool

"See you in a few hours. Be good!" She gave Robbie one last hug after she got out of the car. "Wait Robbie you forgot your lunch box!" she quickly tossed it and he caught it in stride as he walked through the front door the preschool.

Coming back home, Owl opened up her computer, to get some writing done. "Add a T there, an H there, and an E there. Perfect! She started reading out her entire work in progress. "The."

She stood up clapping. "Yes! I didn't think I would get so much work done today. Time for a break!"

She got on the couch and started watching reruns of Star Trek: Next Generation.

"Think I'm just gonna...rest my eyes..." Her eyes slowly slid down as she fell asleep, remote falling off her body onto the floor."

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

"PICARD IT'S A TRAP!" Oliva shouted as she woke up with a start. Her phone was going off like crazy.

"What is it?" She snatched up her phone, irritated. "Oh no!" She realized. The crime alert app in her was going off. "Chance Bombability! He's robbing the bank!"

She checked the clock. "Robbie's gonna be done with school in a few minutes." She got off the couch and scrambled for her keys. "I have to move!"

Quickly getting to her car Olivia opened a secret flap in the trunk and pulled out her machine gun keyboard. "Owl Powers, activate!"

Oliva quickly transformed into OwlWoman, with powers of flight, echolocation, sonic screech, and the ability to see perfectly in the dark. She was armed with a machine gun that used keyboards or scrabble pieces as ammunition!

She hit a button on her communicator. "Kidbot, robbery at the bank! Transform in secret and meet me there! Owl out!"

Robbie, just finished coloring all over the pages of the coloring book like a true independent maverick, got OwlWoman's message.

While all the other kids were out at the front of the school, Robbie snuck around to the back of the school, out of sight. "Kidbot, online!"

Robbie transformed into Kidbot! Powered by hugs, kisses, and cookies, specifically, Oreos, Kidbot was an unstoppable force!

"Superspeed, go!" Kidbot ran off, kicking up dust and wind as he moved. As he got into the city, he jumped up onto the buildings as to avoid the traffic.

* * *

"That's the last of the loot, boss!" Mugsy the goon reported as he threw sacks of money into the hole in the sewer from under the bank.

"Well then, I think it's time we make our escape boys!" Chance Bombability, a man wearing a dice helmet, gave a toothy grin.

"Boss, there's a lot of cops outside. We're surrounded!" Rocky, another goon, pointed outside.

"Don't you boys worry, I'll deal with the cops!" Chance grabbed a pair of dice and took them in each hand before going outside.

"Hey police! Gamble your lives on this!" He threw the dice at the police, who were lined up behind their squad cars.

"Bombs! Run!"

The cops ran away as the dice exploded, cop cars flipping in the air. One cop car spun into the air, about to crush some pedestrians!

"Look out!"

At the very last second, OwlWoman swooped in, plucking the car out of midair!

"Drat! It's OwlWoman!" Chance sneered. "Boys, there's a 100% chance we're getting out of here, right now! To the sewers!"

He dug into his briefcase. "But first, a little something to slow Kidbot and OwlWoman down!"

He got out small little roulette table bombs and set them all to 30 seconds before the explosion. Some of them he threw into his crowd of hostages and scattered the rest around the bank. He jumped into the hole just as Kidbot entered the bank!

"Kidbot, great! You made it!" OwlWoman looked around the bank. "Oh no, the bank is littered with bombs. We have less than thirty seconds to get rid of them all! Quick, Kidbot, you get the ones in the back of the bank, I'll get the ones here!"

As Kidbot went to the back, OwlWoman broke out her machine gun keyboard, blasting all of the roulette bombs out into the street, B-O-0-M B-0-O-M B-A-D !

Meanwhile, Kidbot used his supervision to get all of the bombs at the top of the bank first, so the building won't collapse. He gathered them all and threw them into the empty vault.

5 seconds left! He noticed a bomb that was dangerously close to OwlWoman. Quickly running over to it, Kidbot picked the bomb up and ate it.

BOOM!

An explosion went off in Kidbot's stomach.

OwlWoman jumped. "Kidbot, are you okay?!"

Kidbot burped, smoke pouring out of his mouth. "I'm fine!"

OwlWoman turned her attention to the hole to the sewer. "Chance and his gang went through there! After him!

* * *

OwlWoman and Kidbot will hunt down chance: NEXT TIME On The Adventures of OwlWoman and Kidbot!


	9. Cats

"Bleh." DSPhony was lying on the couch in a melancholy.

"Hey sweetie," AJ said. "What's got you down."

"AJ, do wish you could ever become an animal, and not have human responsibilities and problems?"

"Sometimes. But you know, what can you do?" AJ picked up her purse. "Hey I'm going out. Why don't you go ahead and get out in bot spam and just play with all the quotes? Make a game out of it. Generate a quote, and check the context."

"Okay, that might be fun. Laters." DS got out of the couch. Walking to bot spam, she saw that AJ had left the mod dungeon open. _Let me close the-_

She saw the mod command list, right under the .fuckferret command. _Oh my God._

.furry. "Things get animorphed."

 _I could be my fursona._ She thought. _I could be a durg. DurgSPhony._

Looking around, DS made sure that she wouldn't be seen. Then she tiptoed over to the control panel.

 **Message #general**

 **.furry**

The control panel roared to life. DS heard machines go into overdrive. A huge flash of light blinded her eyes.

When she woke up, DS realized she was on the ground. _God. I feel, weird. I should probably get out of here before I get in-_

She heard someone shriek in the living room.

 _Oh shit._ DS dashed out, entering the living room to see... a cat.

"I'M SO FLOOFY!" A light brown cat was rolling all over the floor. It had Nano's voice.

"Nano you're... a cat. The fuck?" DS said, astounded.

"DS, is that you? Oh my God you're a cat too. You look adorbs."

"I'm a cat? There's no way..." DS realized that everything in the room seemed to be gigantic. As she turned around, she looked into the chrome of one of the barstools. No doubt. She was a light orange cat. _Oh no..._

"I don't even know how this happened, but I don't give, like, a single fuck. I'm Nanowhymeow now, bitches. Suck it."

"Can I have a cat name too?" Satu was coming down the stairs. She was dark brown, almost black cat.

"Ugh... let me think." Nano said. "I uh... I got nothing."

"Why not just Catu?" AJ asked. walking back inside the asylum.

"CATU." Nano vigorously nodded. "YES. AJ. LOOK HOW FLOOFLY I AM."

"YES. SO FLOOFY." AJ gave Nano a headscratch. "Wait no. Focus AJ, life and death here."

"Life and death?" Catu said. "What do you mean?"

"Okay so look. Someone here used the .furry command, and turned us all into cats."

"Ugh, just wondering. Why would it turn us into cats?" DS asked. "Why would it not turn us into other animals, such as.. dragons?"

"Well first of all, cat DNA was the only thing we put into the machine. We've been beta testing this for a while. Second of all, dragons? Really DS? They don't exist DS. Let's get real here. This is science."

 _This is bullshit. This whole thing is bullshit. fuck the church._ DS thought.

"IN THE NAME OF THE FUCK? THE SHIT? AND THE HOLY GOD DAMNIT, WHAT IN LITERAL FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Nintega came down the stairs. "WHY ARE ALL OF YOU CATS?"

"Nintega, great, you're not a cat. We're gonna need those thumbs." AJ said. "Come on, we need to move, or we are all going to die."

"How would we die?" Pi said, walking in from the kitchen. She was a brown and black striped cat. Brown drops fell from her whiskers.

"Pi." Aj said terrified. "Tell me that's not chocolate milk."

"It is. What's the problem?"

"We need to move, now." AJ ran for the mod room.

"Can you tell us what's going on?" Catu asked.

"While our bodies are cats, the food we have digested as humans are now being digested by cat organs. Cats can't eat what humans can stomach. No where close. In other words, we are all probably rapidly dying except for Nin."

"Yeah Nin, why aren't you a cat?" Nano asked.

"Hate." Nintega replied.

"Hate?" Nano repeated, confused.

"Hate." Nintega gritted his teeth. "Let me tell you how much I've come to hate cats since I began to live. The average human body is 63 kilograms. That means that there are about 6.3 octillion atoms of hydrogen, oxygen, and carbon subatomic, nanoscopic particles that fill my complex. If the word hate was engraved on each and every single nanoangstrom of those hundreds of millions of particles it would not equal one one-billionth of the hate I feel for cats at this micro-instant Hate. Hate. **_Hate._** "

"In other words, Nintega resisted the process by sheer will," AJ said. "Well, here we are. The mod room. Nintega, all I need you to do is hit the undo button, then hit .furry."

"Alright. Let's get this other with.

 **Message #general**

 **.undo .furry**

Nintega hit enter. The control panel roared to life. The machines kicked into full throttle. There was a blinding light and...

"..."

"..."

"... Oh fuck me."

Nintega looked around to see all the cat people still...cats. "AJ, why didn't it work?"

"The machines must not have enough power. We need to power them somehow. We can only do that by writing. I need everyone to..."

Pi was lying facedown on the ground.

"PI!" Catu turned her over, putting an ear on Pi's chest." "You're right. The digestive tract isn't taking. She's dying."

"SHIT! EVERYONE, MOVE!" AJ ran for the writing rooms. "IF WE CAN JAR ENOUGH WRITING ENERGY, WE CAN UNDO THIS!"

 _Running In The 90s Starts Kicking In._

As the posse ran, AJ looked back to see Nano slowly down, blood dripping out of the side of her mouth. "You guys go on ahead. I don't feel well..."

"NANO, GET UP! DON'T LIE DOWN!" AJ coughed. A sharp pain was gouging into her side.

"FASTER TWO-LEGGER. FASTER!" DS shouted.

"DON'T RUSH ME!" Nin said, getting to a computer. "ALRIGHT. WHAT NOW?!"

"WRITE. JUST WRITE."

 _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka_ _taka._

"We have to get into position. Back into the mod room. We have to get into position. Go!"

As the 3 cats dashed downstairs, AJ froze midstride. It was as if a giant hand had grabbed her heart and was determined to crush it in its fist. _"_ IA-AH-AHHK!"

She careened down the steps, hitting the floor with a thud.

"AJ!" Catu shouted. "No. Nononnonono..."

"Just...go..." AJ said between quick, pained breaths.

"AJ, you're arm is..."

" _Go."_

Catu and DS looked at AJ, before looking at each other and nodding. "We won't let you down." Catu said, running off.

Electricity flowed through the air. Zaps and crackles echoing through the halls. "Nin is doing his best. Let's just hope its enough." Catu said, finding herself slowing down just a little more every second.

"This is my fault Satu." DS said. "For everything."

"What are you talking about?" Satu said. "It's not your fault for this. It's the machine-"

"I was the one who did the furry function. I turned everyone into cats. And now they're all gonna die because of me." A single tear rolled down DS' cat face.

"Well..." Cat leaned against the wall. The room was becoming dizzy, but the door to the mod command room was so close. "As long as you keep going, and you fix what's wrong, and do your best to learn from it, that's the best anyone can fairly ask of you." Catu collapsed.

"Satu, no! Please, get up!"

"...I can't. I'm sorry." Satu said, trying to roll her body to alleviate the pressure. Her body was still deteriorating fast, but at least she could hold out longer. "You can do this, DS. I believe in you."

Looking at the mod door, DS knew what she had to do. Taking a deep breath, she went inside. As she entered the room, she saw beams electricity be transferred into a pure energy. A from crackles of lightning to a stabilized hum. "Okay. All I have to do is get the command and enter it in."

She hopped up to the top of the control panel. This is gonna be hard to do without thumbs.

 **Message #general**

 _I can do this._

 **.undo .f**

It came out of nowhere. Hitting her in the gut like a cannonball. "GahYAK!" She fell to the floor. Writhing in pain. She looked up.

 **.undo .ffiuwsasr**

 _No._ She thought, reaching a paw up. _It can't end like this._ Slowly climbing up, she felt her body start to shut down. Her heart flickering, constricting the blood flow she so desperately needed.

 _I can't let them down._ She reached for the keyboard.

 **.undo**

 **.undo fu**

 **.undo .furry**

 _I'm sorry everyone._ DS thought as she fell to the floor, darkness swarming in. _I failed you..._

* * *

She woke up with a start. Staring at the ceiling.

"What What What What What?" DS stared at her hands. Human hands. With fabulous human nails. _I'm human!_ She touched her face. A human face. She jumped up and looked out of the window.

AJ and Piades were on a balcony of the asylum, having drinks.

 _Was that... was that all a dream?_ She thought. _Guess it was._

"Dinner time everyone!" Satu shouted. "I made lasagna!"

 _Oh well, time to eat. I'm starving!_ She thought.

Going downstairs, she was poked from behind. "Oi. Ya shirt's backwards mate." Nano said.

"Oh, my bad. Thanks." DS replied. "Better go change."


	10. Trapped in the Discord

I wake up, starting at the ceiling.

Not sure why, but I can't shake off this feeling.

Peeking down at the covers, I realize what's going on.

The blanket, the walls, all of it's wrong.

This ain't where I live, oh hell to the naw.

The door opens, and I'm greeted by a panicked face.

She said "Last night was fun but now you got to get the hell out of my place."

I ask why, she tells me to get my clothes on quick.

She says "If my man catch you here my God he's gonna throw a fit."

My clothes are on, that's when we here a knock on the door.

I go for the window but then see im on the fourth floor.

she takes me to the closet and says "Ill try to get him away from here."

The lock turns as I hide and i say "dont show a look of fear"

Door swings open, and the man says "baby how you been?"

She says "Raiden sweetie I was just about to go running!"

He says "That sounds great, let me go change in my running clothes."

He walks past her, girl is sweating. She just can't take anymore.

They at the door, ready leave. I breathe a sigh of relief.

Then out of nowhere, in my pocket, my damn phone wants to ring.

He looks back in alarm and says "What the hell was the that?"

As he comes back to the door, I'm reaching for my gat.

She says "Come back it was probably the people next door!"

But this man won't stop until he finds what he's searching for!

He checks the shower and under the bed all the while she's yelling "Stop it!"

He swings his head around in frustration and then looks at the closet!

Holding my 9mm ready, sweat is rolling down my brow.

I was asleep ten minutes ago, but look at the shit I've gotten into now.

He reaches for the closet, he turns the knob to the closet, he's opening the closet, I come out of the closet...


	11. PoGO drabble

"I'm Platon, here to join Team Instinct."

"Why Instinct?!" A voice inside the yellow building shouted.

"Memes."

The door swung open. A young girl pulled him inside. "Welcome to Team Instinct!" She said, eyes twinkling. "How did you find us?"

"My friends told me where to go. That's them right there."

A blue car came down the street. Windows down. Several phones poked out

"DOWN!" The Instinct girl pulled Platon down and slammed the door, the sounds of furious phone tapping filled the air. The car quickly sped off.

"The hell was that?" Platon asked bewildered.

"A setup."


End file.
